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Rolling Stone Top 500 2020 LIST

2020.09.23 06:06 steveharringt0n Rolling Stone Top 500 2020 LIST

Sorry this isn't formatted [artist - album] consistently, I found a random .json file (https://a8d9382kd.s3.amazonaws.com/best_500.json) but it was temperamental. Below is the best I could do.
Rank Album 1 Marvin Gaye - What's Going On 2 Pet Sounds - The Beach Boys 3 Joni Mitchell - Blue 4 Stevie Wonder - Songs in the Key of Life 5 The Beatles - Abbey Road 6 Nevermind - Nirvana 7 Rumours - Fleetwood Mac 8 Prince and the Revolution - Purple Rain 9 Blood on the Tracks - Bob Dylan 10 Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill 11 Revolver - The Beatles 12 Michael Jackson - Thriller 13 I Never Loved a Man the Way I Love You - Aretha Franklin 14 The Rolling Stones - Exile on Main Street 15 Public Enemy - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back 16 London Calling - The Clash 17 Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy 18 Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited 19 Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp a Butterfly 20 Radiohead - Kid A 21 Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen 22 The Notorious B.I.G. - Ready to Die 23 The Velvet Underground and Nico - The Velvet Underground 24 Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles 25 Tapestry - Carole King 26 Patti Smith - Horses 27 Enter the Wu-Tang - Wu-Tang Clan 28 Voodoo - D’Angelo 29 White Album - The Beatles 30 Jimi Hendrix - Are You Experienced? 31 Kind of Blue - Miles Davis 32 Lemonade - Beyoncé 33 Amy Winehouse - Back to Black 34 Innervisions - Stevie Wonder 35 The Beatles - Rubber Soul 36 Michael Jackson - Off the Wall 37 Dr. Dre - The Chronic 38 Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde 39 Talking Heads - Remain in Light 40 The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust... - David Bowie 41 Let It Bleed - The Rolling Stones 42 OK Computer - Radiohead 43 The Low End Theory - A Tribe Called Quest 44 Nas - Illmatic 45 Sign O' the Times - Prince 46 Paul Simon - Graceland 47 Ramones - Ramones 48 Legend - Bob Marley and the Wailers 49 OutKast - Aquemini 50 The Blueprint - Jay-Z 51 The Great Twenty-Eight - Chuck Berry 52 David Bowie - Station to Station 53 Jimi Hendrix - Electric Ladyland 54 Star Time - James Brown 55 The Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd 56 Liz Phair - Exile in Guyville 57 The Band - The Band 58 Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin IV 59 Stevie Wonder - Talking Book 60 Van Morrison - Astral Weeks 61 Eric B. & Rakim - Paid In Full 62 Guns N’ Roses - Appetite for Destruction 63 Aja - Steely Dan 64 OutKast - Stankonia 65 Live at the Apollo - James Brown 66 A Love Supreme - John Coltrane 67 Jay-Z - Reasonable Doubt 68 Hounds of Love - Kate Bush 69 Alanis Morrissette - Jagged Little Pill 70 Straight Outta Compton - N.W.A 71 Exodus - Bob Marley and the Wailers 72 Neil Young - Harvest 73 Loveless - My Bloody Valentine 74 The College Dropout - Kanye West 75 Aretha Franklin - Lady Soul 76 Curtis Mayfield - Superfly 77 The Who - Who's Next 78 The Sun Sessions - Elvis Presley 79 Frank Ocean - Blonde 80 The Sex Pistols - Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols 81 Beyoncé - Beyoncé 82 There’s a Riot Goin’ On - Sly and the Family Stone 83 Dusty in Memphis - Dusty Springfield 84 Back in Black - AC/DC 85 Plastic Ono Band - John Lennon 86 The Doors - The Doors 87 Miles Davis - Bitches Brew 88 Hunky Dory - David Bowie 89 Erykah Badu - Baduizm 90 After the Gold Rush - Neil Young 91 Bruce Springsteen - Darkness on the Edge of Town 92 Axis: Bold as Love - The Jimi Hendrix Experience 93 Supa Dupa Fly - Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott 94 The Stooges - Fun House 95 Drake - Take Care 96 Automatic for the People - R.E.M. 97 Master of Puppets - Metallica 98 Car Wheels on a Gravel Road - Lucinda Williams 99 Taylor Swift - Red 100 The Band - Music From Big Pink 101 Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin 102 The Clash - The Clash 103 De La Soul - Three Feet High And Rising 104 Sticky Fingers - The Rolling Stones 105 At Fillmore East - The Allman Brothers 106 Live Through This - Hole 107 Marquee Moon - Television 108 When the Pawn... - Fiona Apple 109 Lou Reed - Transformer 110 Joni Mitchell - Court and Spark 111 Control - Janet Jackson 112 Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John 113 The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead 114 The Strokes - Is This It 115 good kid, m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar 116 Disintegration - The Cure 117 Late Registration - Kanye West 118 Hotel California - The Eagles 119 Sly and the Family Stone - Stand! 120 Van Morrison - Moondance 121 This Year’s Model - Elvis Costello 122 Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral 123 Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin II 124 Achtung Baby - U2 125 Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique 126 My Life - Mary J. Blige 127 Ray Charles - Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music 128 Queen - A Night at the Opera 129 Pink Floyd - The Wall 130 1999 - Prince 131 Portishead - Dummy 132 40 Greatest Hits - Hank Williams 133 Joni Mitchell - Hejira 134 Fugees - The Score 135 U2 - The Joshua Tree 136 Funkadelic - Maggot Brain 137 21 - Adele 138 Madonna - The Immaculate Collection 139 Black Sabbath - Paranoid 140 Bob Marley and the Wailers - Catch a Fire 141 Pixies - Doolittle 142 Born in the US.A. - Bruce Springsteen 143 The Velvet Underground - The Velvet Underground 144 Led Zeppelin - Physical Graffiti 145 Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP 146 Parallel Lines - Blondie 147 Jeff Buckley - Grace 148 Channel Orange - Frank Ocean 149 John Prine - John Prine 150 Bruce Springsteen - Nebraska 151 Faith - George Michael 152 The Pretenders - Pretenders 153 PJ Harvey - Rid of Me 154 Aretha Franklin - Amazing Grace 155 The Black Album - Jay-Z 156 Let it Be - The Replacements 157 Oasis - (What's the Story) Morning Glory? 158 Erykah Badu - Mama's Gun 159 Synchronicity - The Police 160 Pearl Jam - Ten 161 Crosby, Stills & Nash - Crosby, Stills & Nash 162 Different Class - Pulp 163 Various Artists - Saturday Night Fever 164 Johnny Cash - At Folsom Prison 165 R.E.M. - Murmur 166 Buddy Holly - 20 Golden Greats 167 Depeche Mode - Violator 168 Can’t Buy a Thrill - Steely Dan 169 Billy Joel - The Stranger 170 Cream - Disraeli Gears 171 Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation 172 Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water 173 In Utero - Nirvana 174 Jimmy Cliff and Various Artists - The Harder They Come: Original Soundtrack 175 Kendrick Lamar - DAMN. 176 Public Enemy - Fear of a Black Planet 177 Rod Stewart - Every Picture Tells a Story 178 Otis Blue - Otis Redding 179 Notorious B.I.G. - Life After Death 180 Love - Forever Changes 181 Bringing It All Back Home - Bob Dylan 182 James Taylor - Sweet Baby James 183 Brown Sugar - D'Angelo 184 She’s So Unusual - Cyndi Lauper 185 Beggars Banquet - The Rolling Stones 186 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik 187 Ice Cube - AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted 188 Electric Warrior - T. Rex 189 Dig Me Out - Sleater-Kinney 190 Tommy - The Who 191 Etta James - At Last! 192 Licensed to Ill - Beastie Boys 193 Willy and the Poor Boys - Creedence Clearwater Revival 194 Bad - Michael Jackson 195 Leonard Cohen - Songs of Leonard Cohen 196 Robyn - Body Talk 197 The Beatles - Meet the Beatles! 198 The B-52's - The B-52's 199 Slanted and Enchanted - Pavement 200 Sade - Diamond Life 201 Midnight Marauders - A Tribe Called Quest 202 Björk - Homogenic 203 Pink Moon - Nick Drake 204 Kanye West - Graduation 205 Cat Stevens - Tea for the Tillerman 206 David Bowie - Low 207 Eagles - Eagles 208 Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III 209 Run-DMC - Raising Hell 210 Ray Charles - The Birth of Soul 211 Joy Divison - Unknown Pleasures 212 Wild Is the Wind - Nina Simone 213 Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel 214 Wildflowers - Tom Petty 215 American Beauty - Grateful Dead 216 EitheOr - Elliott Smith 217 Oasis - Definitely Maybe 218 TLC - CrazySexyCool 219 Raekwon - Only Built 4 Cuban Linx 220 Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young - Déjà Vu 221 Rage Against the Machine - Rage Against the Machine 222 Ray Of Light - Madonna 223 Imagine - John Lennon 224 Dixie Chicks - Fly 225 Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot 226 Derek and the Dominos - Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs 227 Here’s Little Richard - Little Richard 228 De La Soul - De La Soul Is Dead 229 Patsy Cline - The Ultimate Collection 230 Anti - Rihanna 231 Damn the Torpedoes - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 232 Giant Steps - John Coltrane 233 Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes 234 Black Sabbath - Master of Reality 235 Metallica - Metallica (The Black Album) 236 Discovery - Daft Punk 237 Willie Nelson - Red Headed Stranger 238 Trans Europe Express - Kraftwerk 239 Criminal Minded - Boogie Down Productions 240 Live at the Harlem Square Club, 1963 - Sam Cooke 241 Massive Attack - Blue Lines 242 Loaded - The Velvet Underground 243 The Zombies - Odessey and Oracle 244 808s & Heartbreak - Kanye West 245 Cocteau Twins - Heaven or Las Vegas 246 LL Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out 247 Love Deluxe - Sade 248 Green Day - American Idiot 249 Whitney Houston - Whitney Houston 250 Buzzcocks - Singles Going Steady 251 Elton John - Honky Château 252 Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo! - Devo 253 The Piper at the Gates of Dawn - Pink Floyd 254 Herbie Hancock - Head Hunters 255 The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan - Bob Dylan 256 Tracy Chapman - Tracy Chapman 257 Coat of Many Colors - Dolly Parton 258 Joni Mitchell - The Hissing of Summer Lawns 259 Janis Joplin - Pearl 260 The Slits - Cut 261 Beastie Boys - Check Your Head 262 Power, Corruption & Lies - New Order 263 The Beatles - Hard Day's Night 264 Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd 265 Pavement - Wowee Zowee 266 The Beatles - Help! 267 Double Nickels on the Dime - Minutemen 268 Sail Away - Randy Newman 269 Kanye West - Yeezus 270 Kacey Musgraves - Golden Hour 271 Mary J. Blige - What’s the 411? 272 The Velvet Underground - White Light/White Heat 273 Entertainment! - Gang of Four 274 Sweetheart of the Rodeo - The Byrds 275 Curtis - Curtis Mayfield 276 The Bends - Radiohead 277 The Diary of Alicia Keys - Alicia Keys 278 Led Zeppelin - Houses of the Holy 279 MTV Unplugged in New York - Nirvana 280 Get Rich or Die Tryin' - 50 Cent 281 Nilsson Schmilsson - Harry Nilsson 282 In the Wee Small Hours - Frank Sinatra 283 Donna Summer - Bad Girls 284 Down Every Road 1962-1994 - Merle Haggard 285 Big Star - Third/Sister Lovers 286 Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers 287 The Byrds - Mr. Tambourine Man 288 The Modern Lovers - The Modern Lovers 289 Björk - Post 290 Speakerboxxx/The Love Below - OutKast 291 Destiny's Child - The Writing’s on The Wall 292 Van Halen - Van Halen 293 The Breeders - Last Splash 294 Weezer - Weezer (The Blue Album) 295 Random Access Memories - Daft Punk 296 Rust Never Sleeps - Neil Young 297 Peter Gabriel - So 298 Full Moon Fever - Tom Petty 299 B.B. King - Live at the Regal 300 Come on Over - Shania Twain 301 New York Dolls - New York Dolls 302 Neil Young - Tonight's the Night 303 ABBA - The Definitive Collection 304 Just As I Am - Bill Withers 305 Alive! - Kiss 306 Al Green - I'm Still in Love With You 307 Portrait of a Legend - Sam Cooke 308 Brian Eno - Here Come the Warm Jets 309 Closer - Joy Divison 310 Wire - Pink Flag 311 Neil Young - On the Beach 312 Solange - A Seat at the Table 313 PJ Harvey - Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea 314 Aaliyah - One In A Million 315 El Mal Querer - Rosalía 316 The Who Sell Out - The Who 317 Billie Holiday - Lady in Satin 318 The Velvet Rope - Janet Jackson 319 The Stone Roses - The Stone Roses 320 X - Los Angeles 321 Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell! 322 From Elvis in Memphis - Elvis Presley 323 The Clash - Sandinista! 324 Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head 325 Jerry Lee Lewis - All Killer No Filler! 326 Prince - Dirty Mind 327 The Who - Live at Leeds 328 Modern Vampires of the City - Vampire Weekend 329 DJ Shadow - Entroducing..... 330 The Rolling Stones - Aftermath 331 Madonna - Like a Prayer 332 Elvis Presley - Elvis Presley 333 Bill Withers - Still Bill 334 Abraxas - Santana 335 Bob Dylan and the Band - The Basement Tapes 336 Avalon - Roxy Music 337 Bob Dylan - John Wesley Harding 338 Another Green World - Brian Eno 339 Rhythm Nation 1814 - Janet Jackson 340 Doggystyle - Snoop Doggy Dogg 341 Siamese Dream - The Smashing Pumpkins 342 The Beatles - Let It Be 343 Greatest Hits - Sly and the Family Stone 344 Toots and the Maytals - Funky Kingston 345 Bruce Springsteen - The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle 346 AM - Arctic Monkeys 347 GZA - Liquid Swords 348 Time (The Revelator) - Gillian Welch 349 Kick Out the Jams - MC5 350 Stevie Wonder - Music of My Mind 351 For Your Pleasure - Roxy Music 352 Eminem - The Slim Shady LP 353 The Cars - The Cars 354 Germfree Adolescents - X-Ray Spex 355 Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath 356 Gris-Gris - Dr. John 357 Tom Waits - Rain Dogs 358 Sonic Youth - Goo 359 Big Star - Radio City 360 Funkadelic - One Nation Under a Groove 361 The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance 362 Luther Vandross - Never Too Much 363 The Mothership Connection - Parliament 364 More Songs About Buildings and Food - Talking Heads 365 Madvillain - Madvillainy 366 Rocks - Aerosmith 367 If You're Reading This It's Too Late - Drake 368 George Harrison - All Things Must Pass 369 Mobb Deep - The Infamous 370 Lil Wayne - Tha Carter II 371 Anthology - The Temptations 372 Big Brother and the Holding Company - Cheap Thrills 373 Isaac Hayes - Hot Buttered Soul 374 Robert Johnson - King of the Delta Blues Singers 375 Green Day - Dookie 376 Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea 377 Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever to Tell 378 Run-D.M.C. - Run-DMC 379 Moving Pictures - Rush 380 Mingus Ah Um - Charles Mingus 381 (Pronounced 'Lĕh-'nérd 'Skin-'nérd) - Lynyrd Skynyrd 382 Currents - Tame Impala 383 Massive Attack - Mezzanine 384 The Kinks - The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society 385 Ramones - Rocket to Russia 386 J Dilla - Donuts 387 Radiohead - In Rainbows 388 Young, Gifted and Black - Aretha Franklin 389 The Emancipation of Mimi - Mariah Carey 390 Pixies - Surfer Rosa 391 Kelis - Kaleidoscope 392 Proud Mary: The Best of Ike and Tina Turner - Ike and Tina Turner 393 Taylor Swift - 1989 394 Diana - Diana Ross 395 Black Messiah - D’Angelo and the Vanguard 396 Todd Rundgren - Something/Anything? 397 Billie Eilish - When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? 398 The Raincoats - The Raincoats 399 Brian Wilson - Smile 400 The Go-Go’s - Beauty and the Beat 401 Blondie - Blondie 402 Expensive Shit - Fela Kuti and Africa 70 403 Supreme Clientele - Ghostface Killah 404 Anita Baker - Rapture 405 Various - Nuggets: Original Artyfacts from the First Psychedelic Era 406 Magnetic Fields - 69 Love Songs 407 Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere - Neil Young 408 Motörhead - Ace of Spades 409 Grateful Dead - Workingman’s Dead 410 Wild Honey - The Beach Boys 411 Love and Theft - Bob Dylan 412 Smokey Robinson - Going to a Go Go 413 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Cosmo's Factory 414 Chic - Risqué 415 The Meters - Looka Py Py 416 Things Fall Apart - The Roots 417 Ornette Coleman - The Shape of Jazz to Come 418 Brothers in Arms - Dire Straits 419 Eric Church - Chief 420 That’s the Way of the World - Earth, Wind and Fire 421 Arular - M.I.A. 422 Let's Get It On - Marvin Gaye 423 Yo La Tengo - I Can Hear the Heart Beating As One 424 Odelay - Beck 425 Paul Simon - Paul Simon 426 Lucinda Williams - Lucinda Williams 427 Call Me - Al Green 428 New Day Rising - Hüsker Dü 429 Reach Out - The Four Tops 430 My Aim Is True - Elvis Costello 431 How Will the Wolf Survive? - Los Lobos 432 Usher - Confessions 433 Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem 434 Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain - Pavement 435 Actually - Pet Shop Boys 436 All Eyez on Me - 2Pac 437 Screamadelica - Primal Scream 438 Parklife - Blur 439 Sex Machine - James Brown 440 Loretta Lynn - Coal Miner's Daughter 441 Britney Spears - Blackout 442 Beauty Behind the Madness - The Weeknd 443 David Bowie - Scary Monsters 444 Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple 445 Close to the Edge - Yes 446 Journey in Satchidanada - Alice Coltrane 447 Bad Bunny - X 100pre 448 Dictionary of Soul - Otis Redding 449 Elephant - The White Stripes 450 Ram - Paul and Linda McCartney 451 First Take - Roberta Flack 452 Diana Ross and the Supremes - Anthology 453 Pretty Hate Machine - Nine Inch Nails 454 Can - Ege Bamyasi 455 Bo Diddley/Go Bo Diddley - Bo Diddley 456 Al Green - Greatest Hits 457 I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got - Sinéad O’Connor 458 Southeastern - Jason Isbell 459 Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon: The End of the Day 460 Melodrama - Lorde 461 For Emma - Bon Iver 462 The Gilded Palace of Sin - The Flying Burrito Brothers 463 Eli & the 13th Confession - Laura Nyro 464 3x3 - The Isley Brothers 465 King Sunny Adé - The Best of the Classic Years 466 The Beach Boys Today! - The Beach Boys 467 Maxwell - BLACKsummers’night 468 Some Girls - The Rolling Stones 469 Clandestino - Manu Chao 470 400 Degreez - Juvenile 471 Jefferson Airplane - Surrealistic Pillow 472 SZA - Ctrl 473 Daddy Yankee - Barrio Fino 474 #1 Record - Big Star 475 Sheryl Crow - Sheryl Crow 476 Sparks - Kimono My House 477 Moanin' in the Moonlight - Howlin’ Wolf 478 The Kinks - Something Else By the Kinks 479 Selena - Amor Prohibido 480 Miranda Lambert - The Weight of These Wings 481 Belle and Sebastian - If You’re Feeling Sinister 482 The Pharcyde - Bizarre Ride II The Pharcyde 483 The Anthology - Muddy Waters 484 Lady Gaga - Born This Way 485 I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight - Richard and Linda Thompson 486 Continuum - John Mayer 487 Damaged - Black Flag 488 The Stooges - The Stooges 489 Phil Spector and Various Artists - Back to Mono (1958-1969) 490 Linda Ronstadt - Heart Like a Wheel 491 Harry Styles - Fine Line 492 Nick of Time - Bonnie Raitt 493 Here, My Dear - Marvin Gaye 494 Presenting the Fabulous Ronettes - The Ronettes 495 Boyz II Men - II 496 Shakira - Dónde Están los Ladrones 497 Various Artists - The Indestructible Beat of Soweto 498 Suicide - Suicide 499 Rufus, Chaka Khan - Ask Rufus 500 Arcade Fire - Funeral
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2020.09.13 17:09 remy547 X

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2020.09.03 11:25 dontwanttohurtanyone I don't know why I'm like this, but I've accepted it as who I am.

I made a throwaway just in case.
So I know this subreddit is pretty dead, but I feel like I need to confess this to someone.
I'm almost positive I'm an erotophonophiliac. I have fantasies of murdering people or witnessing it happen in front of me, exclusively females I find cute, beautiful, and hot. Often times, it can be girls I know IRL. Now I have no intentions of hurting (in this case killing) anyone. It would ruin my life, but the biggest reason is it's completely against my morals.
I sometimes use a scene from a movie or show where a female is killed and either masturbate to that, or I put in someone else in. Like a celebrity or someone I've seen that I found really sexy, cute, or pretty. A couple examples are when Corvette (Kiele Sanchez) gets killed by LaShade in LOST, Darling (Eiza Gonzalez) get killed by police in Baby Driver, and when Katrina (Charlotte Vega) gets killed by terrorists in American Assassin. All of the scenes resulted in each actresses' character getting shot dead, dying to gunshot wounds to the upper torso, particularly their breasts.
Sometimes I just think of scenarios in my head, almost exclusively females I know in real life. A typical scenario can go like this. I kidnap those I want to kill IN MY FANTASIES (again I have no intent to do this to them in real life). I shout that if they try to do anything funny, they'll be shot. In my fantasy, I know I'll shoot them dead, regardless how good they are in the situation. I shoot almost all of them dead, one by one. The ones I consider the least desirable, they go first. I save the last one left, have sex with her, then I let her get dressed. I then shoot her twice in the chest. I see she's still moving and crawling, I shoot her 4-5 times in the back. I turn her over and shoot her one more time in the chest.
It's all sorts of fucked. I have no intentions of carrying it out, because it's pretty clear it's not legal, and my morals are completely against it. I don't know if I should seek professional help since I know it's all fantasy and that it's wrong. Sometimes, I feel disgusted with myself after I masturbate to the scenario in my head or the film scene. Most of the time I don't, only because I know I would never kill someone, unless in self defense. I don't think I need any help as I realize these are only imagination. I feel much more satisfaction from helping those who need someone to listen to them. I like helping people and trying to make people happy, even when most of the time I'm usually feeling like utter shit and relatively sad. Because I feel like I have a purpose. I'm a freak of nature, but I feel like I don't need professional help because of what I've said.
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2020.09.01 21:00 alexbrobrafeld Recap - 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After Season 6 Episode 12 “Compromising Positions”

90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After Season 6 Episode 12 “Compromising Positions”
Larissa (Age 33, from Brazil) and ??
Paul (Age 35, Kentucky) and Karine (Age 23, Brazil)
Angela (Age 53, from Georgia) and Mykhul (Age 31, from Lagos Nigeria)
Kalani (Age 31, from Utah) and Asuelu (Age 24, from Samoa)
Colt (Age 34, Las Vegas NV) and Jess (Age 26, from Brazil, living in Chicago)
Andrei (Age 33, from Moldova) and Elizabeth (Age 29, from Florida)
Syngin (Age 30, from South Africa) and Tania (Age 30, from Connecticut)
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2020.08.13 02:43 SkyBruceLee23 [FICTION] I love my husband. But he died and I want to speak to him from beyond the grave.

Every night, Kristina would dream that her husband was still alive. The dream would be so real for Kristina. In Kristina’s dream she would think her husband was dead, but then she would see him standing right in front of her on a busy street, smiling at her. Kristina would run across the street toward her husband, but before she could embrace him and kiss him, her dream would end.
The state executed the man who shot Kristina's husband and Kristina witnessed the execution. The only one who stood by Kristina’s side was her older sister, Pamela. Pamela would always support and comfort Kristina through hard times.
Kristina needed her sister’s support. She wanted to visit a psychic and she wanted Pamela to come with her. Kristina heard stories about psychics contacting dead loved ones. The young woman thought she could reunite with her deceased husband through a psychic. She thought she could get answers behind her husband’s death.
Kristina’s sister didn’t believe in psychics. Pamela didn’t believe that psychics could contact dead loved ones. She thought psychics were fake, like Las Vegas magicians. She didn’t want her sister to give her money to a psychic.
Pamela and Kristina were sitting in the living room of a psychic’s house. Kristina had her 6-year-old daughter, Brianna, sitting on her lap. The little girl was with her father when he was killed. She was in the back seat of her daddy’s car and she was being taken to school. Brianna remembered laughing and singing with her father that morning. She never saw the face of the man who shot her daddy. She only saw a burly, masked man walking up to her father’s car with a gun.
“I’m only doing this because you’re my sister and I love you,” Pamela said to Kristina. “I don’t believe in this psychic stuff and I think you’re wasting your money.” Pamela lightly fussed at her sister.
“I appreciate you doing this,” Kristina said to her sister while resting her hand on her sister’s knee. “I know you think I’m an idiot for doing this and I love you for supporting me, anyway.” Kristina meant what she said to her sister. She leaned over to hug Pamela, and she found solace in her sister’s embrace.
“I love you too,” Pamela kissed her sister. “I also love my little baby princess,” Pamela said to her niece through a smile. “I still think bringing Brianna to see this psychic was a bad idea.” Pamela didn’t let her displeasure stop her from kissing her niece and her sister.
“It’s funny that she said I looked like Marilyn Monroe with a nose ring.” Kristina laughed while mentioning how the psychic complimented her looks. Kristina thought it was adorable how the old lady told her she was beautiful like her daughter.
“I agree with her. You look like Marilyn Monroe with a nose ring and tattoos on her arms,” Pamela giggled while reaching over and touching her sister’s arm. She wanted to say something else to Kristina, but she held her tongue when she saw the old psychic walk into the living room carrying a tray of shortbread cookies and three glasses of ice tea.
“Hope you girls are hungry. I made some shortbread cookies and sweet tea.” The old psychic, whose name was Carol, presented her refreshments to Kristina, Brianna and Pamela with a whimsical enthusiasm. The old lady sat the tray of cookies and tea down on a table in front of Kristina. She straightened out her bright yellow 1960s retro styled dress before sitting down in a recliner.
“I love shortbread cookies,” Kristina exclaimed. She watched as her daughter quickly reached in to grab a cookie.
“I can feel how much you miss your husband.” Carol rested her hand on Kristina’s knee. The psychic wasted no time and she went into her spiritual trance, but she made it look normal. “I can sense a tragedy. The man in your life died unjustly. He was a good young man. He was a good husband to you and a wonderful father to his daughter. I keep hearing the name, Brian. Was that your husband’s name, Darling?” Carol asked her question, but the old psychic already knew that she was on point, judging by the astonished look on Kristina’s face.
Kristina slowly put her hand over her mouth while trying not to cry. “Brian was my husband’s name,” The young woman answered through a gasp. She couldn’t believe how quickly Carol fell into her spiritual talents.
“A man shot your husband? Is that correct?” Carol asked through her soothing, experienced voice, which was just as relaxing as a tropical rainfall.
Kristina nodded. “Yes, a man shot my husband while he was sitting in his car.” Kristina paused for a second and she gulped while feeling tears boiling in her eyes. “My daughter saw her daddy get killed. She was in the car with him. My baby saw everything.” Kristina bit her bottom lip after saying that, and she swiped away a tear that cascaded down her cheek. “I’m sorry for crying.” Kristina giggled while holding tears in her eyes. She smiled when the old psychic reached out and touched her face.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, Darling.” Carol whispered while helping Kristina dry her face.
“The state executed the man who killed my husband. I was sitting in the witness room during the execution, and it was the hardest day of my life. My sister was with me. She helped me get through it.” Kristina looked around at Pamela and she took hold of her older sister’s hand.
Pamela took a deep breath after her sister reached over to touch her hand. She caressed Kristina’s hand while locking her eyes on the psychic.
“I came here because I was hoping you could answer my question.” Kristina continued after holding and kissing her sister’s hand. “Is my husband at peace?” Kristina’s soft voice trailed off into a grieving sigh.
Carol gave Kristina a comforting smile. The graceful wrinkles on her face complimented her embracing smile. “I understand your question, Darling. I will answer your question.” Carol patted and caressed Kristina’s hand. The old woman’s smile was like a gorgeous vintage painting that you didn’t want to take your eyes off of.
Pamela wanted to keep holding her sister’s hand, but her body tightened and she breezily withdrew her hand when Carol went back into her psychic trance.
“I can see!” Carol gasped. The psychic had her eyes closed while holding Kristina’s hand. “I can see—”
“What is it?” Kristina leaned closer toward Carol, gripping the old lady’s hand.
“I didn’t have to call him. He was already there. My God, he’s a handsome young man!” Carol gasped from amazement.
“You can see him? Please tell me!” Kristina was eager to know what Carol was seeing beyond her closed eyes. The young widow didn’t mean to raise her voice at Carol, and she apologized. “I’m sorry, I just want to know.”
“It’s okay, Darling.” Carol showered her sweet voice over Kristina. “I see your husband. He’s standing before me.” Carol’s voice drifted down into a calming whisper. “He looks happy. He’s so handsome and he’s wearing a black leather blazer and blue jeans.” Carol gave her description of Brian.
“He wore his black leather blazer on the morning he was killed,” Kristina whispered while cleaning tears off her face.
“Daddy!” Brianna shouted with excitement. The little girl looked around the living room to see if she could spot her father. In the child’s mind, she thought her daddy was invisible. “Why can’t I see my daddy?” Brianna asked the psychic curiously.
“You can’t see him, Honey, because he only wants me to see him. He’s in the spirit world.” Carol told the child. “He sees you though. He said tell my little Buttercup that daddy says hi and that he misses you,” Carol told Brianna through a short, delighted laugh.
“I miss you too, Daddy!” Brianna shouted. The little girl became overwhelmed with excitement when she knew that the old lady was speaking to her father.
“He wants me to tell you he will always be with you and that he loves the little sunflowers on your dress.” Carol continued to deliver the news to Brianna. “He wanted me to tell you he’s sorry about what happened that morning. He said you and him were in the car singing the theme song to Sesame Street. He says that he misses singing Sunny Days with his little Buttercup. He wants me to tell you that daddy will always love you.” Carol felt water in her eyes while she was telling Brianna everything that her father wanted her to say.
Pamela felt creeped out by the moment. The woman stood up and she broke into a nervous sweat while listening to the psychic.
“He wants your daughter to cover her ears.” Carol continued. “There’s something he wants me to tell you, but he doesn’t want Brianna to hear it.” The smile was melting off Carol’s lips.
“Brianna, cover your ears, baby,” Kristina told her daughter, obeying her husband’s orders. After telling her daughter to cover her ears, she didn’t know what to expect next.
“Your husband has something he wants you to know,” Carol’s eloquent and grandmotherly voice filled the atmosphere in her living room. “First, he wants me to tell you he loves you so much and that he misses your touch and your kiss.” Carol moaned sorrowfully after she repeated what Brian’s spirit wanted her to say.
“I love you too, baby! I miss you so much!” Kristina shouted out to her husband’s spirit while wiping tears from her face. “Did he hear me?” Kristina asked Carol with urgency in her trembling voice. She released a joyous laugh through her tears when Carol replied to her with a slow nod of her head.
“He heard you, Honey,” Carol whispered to Kristina while caressing the woman’s hand. “He said that you and Brianna will always be his babies and he loves the both of you more than anything,” Carol paused for a minute while taking a deep breath. “There’s something he needs to tell you and he says that it will be disturbing.” Carol’s voice became firm, but it never lost its gentleness.
“What does he need to tell me?” Kristina wished she could hear her husband’s voice. The young woman made sure that her daughter’s ears were still covered.
Carol licked her lips while cradling Kristina’s hand in both of her sweaty palms. “It’s about his murder. He’s telling me that his murder wasn’t random, it was an assassination.” Carol was delivering the news to Kristina as fast as she could. She could still see the spirit of a tall, dark and handsome man standing before her and instructing her on what to tell his wife.
“What’s he talking about?” Carol's words confused Kristina. Her heart was pounding against her chest and her throat was so dry that when she swallowed, it felt like someone was pinching her esophagus. “Keep your ears covered, baby,” Kristina told her daughter while reaching over her little girl to grab her glass of ice tea.
Pamela was still standing and the sweat from her body was soaking her white dress. The woman’s heart was thumping in her throat and she wanted to stop the psychic, but she couldn’t talk. All she could do was reach for her purse.
“He’s saying that the man who shot him was a paid hitman.” Carol’s voice trembled a little as she continued speaking. “Your husband tells me that a woman paid the man who killed him. The woman was your sis—” Before Carol could finish her sentence, she heard a loud click echo throughout her living room.
Kristina swallowed hard when she looked around to see her older sister pointing a loaded semi-automatic pistol at Carol.
“Don’t say another word,” Pamela hissed at Carol after pulling the gun out of her purse. “You were gonna tell her everything?” Pamela broke down in tears while keeping her gun steady on Carol’s face. “How did you know? How Is he talking to you? He’s supposed to be dead!” Pamela gulped while shaking her head in disbelief.
Carol stayed calm in the face of Pamela’s handgun. “If you shoot me, it won’t stop the truth from coming out, Darling,” Carol spoke calmly. The old lady wasn’t afraid of dying, and she knew that her psychic abilities would come at a cost.
“You stupid old woman!” Pamela roared at the psychic.
“Pamela baby, what are you doing? You’re scaring your sister and your niece! You know that right?” Kristina spoke forcibly to her sister and she tried not to fall into shock. “Give me the gun, Pam.” Kristina slowly stood up after moving her daughter off her lap.
“I’m so sorry, Kristina.” Pamela sobbed. The woman aimed her gun at Kristina. She didn’t want to point the gun at her sister, but it was an involuntary movement of her arm.
Kristina slowly approached her sister with caution. She couldn’t believe that she was negotiating with her sister over not shooting her.
“I loved him too!” Pamela told her sister with tears streaming down her face. “You were at work one morning when I came over to see him. He didn’t expect me to show up at the house.” Pamela paused while wiping a few tears from her face. “He looked so sexy in his bathrobe. He made me coffee and we talked for an hour.”
Kristina lost her voice for a minute while listening to Pamela confess that she had feelings for her husband.
“I told him I was lonely and that I wished he was mine.” Pamela kept her gun aimed at her sister and she would back away every time Kristina would take a step toward her. “When your husband hugged me, I tried to kiss him, but he pushed me away. He told me he couldn’t be unfaithful to you! I got mad and I slapped him. He threw me out of the house after that.”
Kristina was listening to her sister and she couldn’t take her eyes off the gun. The young woman kept seeing the gun accidentally going off. She kept seeing someone getting killed in her living room, but she didn't know who it would be.
Carol saw something tragic happening in her living room. Since the psychic could see the future, she saw someone being killed in her house. It was a frightening vision of what was to come. While keeping herself calm, the old lady stood up from her recliner and she made her way over to Kristina’s daughter. Carol wrapped her arms around Brianna when the child cried. She gripped the little girl in her arms while saying a prayer under her breath.
“I paid a man to kill Brian. I disguised myself so the man couldn’t see my face. I’m Brian’s actual killer. When you’re the big sister, you feel that everything should be yours, including your sister’s husband!” Pamela released a maniacal laugh. Pamela’s tears caused her mascara to run down her chin. Her slender and haggard face, that was once beautiful in her youth, was twisted unnaturally, like a mental patient who was going through electric shock therapy.
“You paid a man to kill my husband?” Kristina asked in disbelief. “My baby had to see her daddy get shot in his head because of you!” Kristina pointed back at her daughter with her voice elevating.
Pamela never said a word. She kept her gun aimed at Kristina and she didn’t want to pull the trigger, but she prepared to shoot if Kristina attacked her.
“You hate me that much? I thought you loved me? I thought you loved Brianna? You killed her daddy.” Kristina kept talking softly, but she couldn’t look at her sister anymore. Kristina could feel her heart crumbling.
“I’m sorry for killing your baby! I loved your husband too!” Pamela said while gritting her teeth. She cut her eyes at Carol and she felt her hostility toward the psychic arise again. “It’s all her fault! She did this!” Pamela fell into a rage while burning her stare into the old lady.
Kristina watched as her sister aimed the gun at Carol. “Pam, give me the gun! Please don’t shoot in front of Brianna!” Kristina pleaded with her sister, hoping her words would diffuse the situation.
“You old psychic bitch!” Pamela hissed at the old lady. Pamela tightened the grip on her gun and she was about to pull the trigger, but she hesitated.
“Mommy!” Brianna screamed after she watched her auntie aim her gun back at her mother. The little girl wanted to run toward her mom, but Carol clenched her small body in her arms.
“It’s okay, Honey. It will be okay,” Carol whispered to the little girl while holding the child against her chest. Carol cradled the child and she tried to use her arms to shield Brianna from the violence that was unfolding in her living room.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you and Brianna,” Pamela whispered her last words to her sister, before raising the gun to her head and pulling the trigger. An explosive pop echoed throughout the room.
“Mommy!” Brianna freed herself from Carol and she ran toward her mother, embracing her.
“Hi, baby,” Kristina whispered down to her daughter. The woman lifted her daughter up into her arms with her widened eyes stuck on seeing her sister’s body sprawled out on the living room floor.
Carol stood up from her sofa. She calmly walked toward Kristina and her daughter. The psychic caressed Kristina’s arm before saying to the young woman, “Your husband wanted you to know the truth, Darling. He’s at peace now.”
THE END STORY BY SKYLER WOODS
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2020.08.07 21:35 Lopsided-Anteater205 Every blackbear song... what am i missing?

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cashmere noose (2016)
deadroses (2015)
dead (acoustic) (2015)
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the afterglow (2014)
year of the blackbear (2011) - mat musto
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2020.08.01 21:54 1Augdacket Exp-osed Sl-uts Tumblr

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2020.07.27 22:03 CelloJay New information regarding Ayesha's music

Dw, I'm not another Meow Meow troll post. I've recently been contacted by various people to help work on the Ayesha Wiki and discovered a lot of new information regarding her discography.

The album that we know as "Sick at Home" was apparently an EP that came out in early 2016, it's presumed that it was deleted sometime after the release of Barely legal. Most of the songs were lost but the same person said that Ride Around (the demo with miss prada not the one on Barely Legal) was a track on Sick at Home, as well as two other now lost songs called "Are You An Addict" and "Anthrax My Pussy (He's Not My President)" Some other possible lost tracks are: Myspace (featuring Kiki Ryder), lemonade, fetch, and Bump (demo for can i get a bump)
The Gangbang LP that most people don't know about is real but it was never actually released. Sometime in February of 2017 Ayesha uploaded a playlist titled "What you never got to hear, a farewell to the gangbang era". Most of the songs are completely unknown but AlexZone confirmed that "Mouth Full of Cock, Party Bitch(being a demo for Gangbang), and Raw were from the same LP.
Also, Big Juicy has a bonus track called "I Wanna Meet U (Geoffry Paris cover)"
The baby EPs were all joke albums made for her friends, Kiki and Valerie mentioned boby stuff on twitter so it was probably an inside joke.
The following are songs that previously had unknown dates of release:
Delicious- a demo was released in january-february of 2018 but was later deleted. The full version was planned for Horny.4u :(
Expensive - 2017
Fresh meat - 2017
heidi montag - 2017
la bella vita - 2017
pretty wild - july 27th, 2016
Loves it -2015
that's hot -2015
for the girls - 2015
underage - 2016, maybe, (was deleted after being released for only 5 mins)
That's Hot and Loves It were actually her first two songs! however, it's unknown which came first.
Also, there was another scrapped album planned for 2017 called Fresh meat, Literal Legend was gonna be on it, it was mentioned in the description for literal legend. It's likely that la bella vita, fuck it up, and expensive were all gonna be on the fresh meat album since it was kind of like?? spam released all the same year.
Regret and Used were also released songs, part of a playlist called "songs about boys" it included Fins to. It was either from 2016 or 2017, I think it might've been 2016 since Fins was later re-released on Cumshot.
oh! new info on H4U, Girl Next Door was planned for H4U. It was gonna be under the name "jesus christina". Another cover was planned for the project as well: Alice (raven symone cover). (she's literally obsessed with covers idk). GND was fucked up audio wise bc she was gonna release it on H4U, if you always wondered why it sounded like earrape thats why.
THE CURRENT WHORE1234 ACC on soundcloud is NOT AYESHA'S OG SECOND ACC. It's a random fan so the tracklist order is not reliable.
Now to the complicated stuff:
List of unreleased songs:
2007
anal queen
babe please
beautiful loser
boom boom
brendon fucked whoopi
can i get a bump
daddys little hoe (miss prada)
disco baby
free jodi arias
free jodi arias pt 2
fuck it up
fuck the beat up
fuck with me
gutta (ft cashus clay & ayesha erotica)
hey brendon
hoes
hollywood
how long
i need a cigarette
im tasty
im a slut (also known as tina hick arc demo)
isis michael shit the bed
jessi slaughter
killa (was for a side project under the name "lil bitch")
lunchbox (also known as unrequited love)
munchin on the bef
party bitch
political interlude
raw
right now (also known as it's not vegas)
sexy
sink or swim
streets of la
structure & habit
taboo
vixen
want ya
what it do
you got me
you were the tease
young, riich & skinny

SONGS THAT WERE ACTUALLY FROM HER whore1234 ACC:
a song about me
bad girl
begging for it
blue monday
candy (miss prada song pro by ayesha)
close
control; the finale (not to be confused with the control from h4u)
crazay hazay
dead (feat brendon jones)
dicktator
excite me
fuck like this
i want it right now
I Will
ill do it
im coming out, as a christian
lana del rey
lina morgana
loose teens theme ( neptunes remix)
loose teens theme
love my daddy
love you down
makeup bag
mouth full of cok
my pussy
nikki blonsky
pink cowboy hat
right round
shes toothless
shitzu
shut the fuck up
synthetic
take my picture
the boom boom doll
the call
tina hick aka toothless tina arc factory demo
tina hick diss
toothless tina cosmetics
un cunt fortable
we still fuck

A few last things: THESE are fake albums
Vixen (made up of songs that she made for a ponstar named Danica)
loose teens
ayesha_fm
meet ayesha
EROTICA

the following are all tracks from the same Danica person:
Vixen
Disco baby
Hollywood
You Got Me
i need a cigarette
right now (not be confused for its video title "its not vegas")
babe please
boom boom
beautiful loser
want ya
political interlude
free jodi arias

Ayesha Wiki: https://ayesha-erotica.fandom.com/wiki/Ayesha_Erotica_Wiki
download ayesha's discography as it should be organized HERE:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/12JaTCmWwrcB-WOWcpACtVSPzvWptzco8?usp=sharing
EDIT: Streets of LA and Sink or Swim are not unreleased, it’s highly possible that they were standalone singles from 2016-2017, What It Do might’ve also been a single
EDIT: For the girls 1 was possibly early 2016 or sometime in 2017, not 2015.
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2020.07.27 21:47 In_Process_ I am practicing being vulnerable in front of others and wanted to share this writing

The other day I did an exercise looking at my connection to my body at different stages in my life.
It is intentionally raw (as is the practice).
I am summoning the courage to be seen.

0-6- I remember my parents shaming me for holding onto my bowel movements for so long until I either released them uncontrollably or they would cause such constipation that I was sick. I was very sickly coming into this world and people did not think I would live. It was a laborious birth and I was in a hospital without my mother for 5 days. I remember having ear infections, eye infections, constantly trying to squirm away from people putting things in my body. I also remember being silly and playful and bouncy. I remember craving to be seen and heard and walking around the hospital where my dad worked and singing songs to anyone who would listen.
7-12- I remember being told to hold in my stomach, that I was pudgy. I remember wanting to make friends and move around the classroom and being told to be still, to not correct the teacher. I was told that I was too trusting and went with a teacher to a school supply place after school. I was greatly reprimanded and from there I learned to hold fear. I remember learning to hold my tongue and that I talked too much. I remember intellect being prized and focusing on cultivating my mind over my body. I remember the desire to be on the stage. I remember feeling self-conscious around starting middle school and began comparing my body to that of other girls, whether or not I had breasts or if my hips were too big. I remember role playing with girlfriends, we would take turns being the guy, shyly and shamefully exploring our bodies and hiding our connections from people. I remember seeking physical affection from a family that didn’t know how to give it. I remember getting my cat who I loved and doted on so deeply. I remember crying into her fur when I was sad and how well she held space for me.
13-18 I remember terrible acne, that looking back on it seems even worse. I remember wanting to hide and turning my face if someone was staring at my skin for too long. I remember obsessively reading magazines and trying to glean body tips to change my appearance. I remember working out to the point that I threw up. I remember dying my hair blonde because my mom liked it better that way. I remember buying padded bras. I remember having my first girlfriend touch my breasts and feeling extreme guilt but not knowing why. I remember being so sexually charged but guilty about expressing it. I remember thinking I should lose my virginity but was worried about men losing interest in me after sex. I remember not knowing how to process emotions and feeling like I didn’t have anyone to connect to. I remember being scared in dance class to make a mistake while doing exercises across the floor and to cope I started picking at my cuticles. I don’t even realize I am doing it until I feel a sharp sting and seeing blood snaps me out of it.
19-24 I remember having a string of one night stands for my first encounters with penetrative sex, wanting connection and feeling so disconnected from my body. I remember feeling deep heartache after being cheated on. I remember learning about circus and pole dancing. The liberation of being sexy on a pole and being seen. I remember the string of injuries, back spasms, breaking my feet, dislocating both of my shoulders, breaking my neck, tearing my hamstring so badly I couldn’t walk. I remember ignoring it and wrapping it with an ace bandage for four months before it got so bad I couldn’t ignore it. I remember contortion and wanting to push my body to extreme limits. I remember not knowing how to listen to my body and pushing past my physical limits, dislocating my ribs and being chronically in pain. I remember learning all forms of movement from belly dancing to break dancing. I remember telling my partner I wanted to play with girls and being told that I only could if I agreed to let him participate. I remember suppressing my own desires to feed his. I remember feeling strings of abuse with partners I tried to keep away sexually because I thought that distance made me safer. I realized abuse happens in many forms. I remember not even realizing it was abuse until other people told me and helped me see. I remember the fear I felt leaving Las Vegas after feeling violated and cutting off all contact with one performance partner. In contrast, I remember dancing on stage and proudly displaying my fierce femme fatale energy. I remember loving dancing on the bar with a cigarette in my mouth and feeling my way into undulating and improvising my movements while finding flow. I remember being led down the rabbit hole into the world of kink and fetish and the deep desire to surrender and submit. To be guided and led. I remember receiving and giving platonic touch in the circus community and how freeing that was. I remember learning that not everyone’s intentions were as they presented. I remember the feeling of having my voice silenced in front of a crowd and not being able to speak.
25-29 I remember comparing my body to celebrities, wishing that I had larger breasts that felt more proportionate. Wishing that I did not have the indentations in my hips and that my body was smooth. I remember feeling new ego sensations, and the power of compassion. I began tuning into my body and experiencing the greatest pleasure I have experienced. I have tuned into other people’s bodies through my own and can feel their pain. I lost my cat and felt deep grief. I remember my first experience with psychedelics how I felt deeply connected with my body in a way I had never experienced before. Like how I could really feel myself moving and stretching, I could feel the electricity pulsing under my skin. I remember the feeling of deeply opening my heart and wanting to pour out love to my friends after taking Molly. The snakelike energy that crept up my spine. I remember feeling confused about my new found powers, how I could see things that others couldn’t. Feeling the fear that was passed down my generational line. The women who chose to cut off their gifts, who had been hanged and burned for their sight. I felt their pain and weeped for them. I see the claws of these past traumas haunting the women of my family. I remember feeling heaviness so deep in my core that I did not want to move for days. I remember feeling anxiety so strong that I could not take a deep breath for weeks. I remember my hair and nails growing long for reasons I didn't know. I remember connecting how I feel to the food I was eating. I remember experimenting with veganism, vegetarianism, keto, pescatarianism to find what my body likes best and realizing that it is still in process. I remember going to parties and witnessing myself stuffing food into my mouth so I would have a good excuse not to speak. I remember experiencing unconditional love for the first time. I remember finding that I just didn’t see the condition yet. I remember feeling strong and powerful in the gym, connecting to my body. I remember learning to connect with my breath and feel deeply.
I am reminding myself that my body and spirit are in process. I am choosing to look at what I do not always want to see.
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2020.07.27 11:52 27JJuldacket Da-ting Si-tes for Married Cou-ples

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2020.07.25 09:58 DistinctionJewelry Nine Alkemia Reviews (Alkemia Part One)

ALKEMIA
I tried sixteen samples and one bottle from Alkemia, and ended up with one holy grail (Ydalir) and one sample of an aroma-chemical (Enigma/Iso E Super) that I'll keep. I'm reviewing the first nine here, and will post the rest later.
Basically, my hit rate with them is abysmal but I'm fantastically glad to have found the scent I love. Their branding is gorgeous and the packaging is lovely, with a quick TAT. I hate how negative this is going to be, so let me just say I had a great experience dealing with the brand, they just aren't for me personally - with one amazing exception. I adore them for making Ydalir, but won't be trying more samples.
I placed two orders, one for a sample selection I picked, and one with a curated sample pack where I explained my preferences in detail and let the owner pick. Except for Ydalir, I found them to be artificial-smelling and not very true to their descriptions or notes. I have a nose for realism, and Alkemia just isn't it for me. There is something about their bases/what they all seem to dry down to that my nose does not like, even if the top notes are pleasant.
See below for a novel-length essay on my tastes in fragrance - or skip it entirely. Because this is a "choose your own adventure" novel.
Absinthe and Laudanum in the Afternoon: Notes: galbanum, laudanum accord, tonka bean, vetivert root, narcotic wormwood, opium poppy, poet's jasmine, and french lavender.
Wet: High-end bar soap. I think it's the jasmine? It's sharp and my nose wants to run away and this smells like SOAP! The inside of my nose "tastes" like soap.
Dry down: Effing SOAP!
Mood: Soapmaking class.
Verdict: Get it off me.
Ambre Extrait: Notes: North African Rock Rose, Cambodian Agarwood, Prussian Amber resin, Madagascar Vanilla, Nepalese Spikenard, Somalian Opopanax, Tunisian Liquidambar, Himalayan Cedar, and Honduran Styrax
Wet: Leather with ambery undertones.
Dry down: Really I'm just getting leather. New jacket or suede leather, not sexy leather or saddle shop leather. A faint hint of amber arrives, finally. This is a really underwhelming amber, but a decent leather layering note?
Mood: Contrary to the stereotype of my gender, I don't actually like clothes shopping that much. Can we be done now? I'm tired.
Verdict: I feel no drive to wear this.
Among the Pines: Notes: Siberian balsam pine, Moroccan cedar, oakmoss, Hinoki cypress, Balm of Gilead, and Assam black tea
Bottle sniff: I don't even know. But I like it.
Wet: I don't even know. But I like it. I don't get pine, or tea.
Dry down: An airy impression. I can see being among pines, perhaps? I cannot put a finger on anything about this. It smells familiar. There's something slightly metallic. I don't think I must own it.
Mood: Huh?
Verdict: Meh.
Awakening Desert Notes: dry warm earth, parched grasses, dried wood, and mineralistic clay drenched in rainwater
You may have gathered by now that I want to smell like a sawmill on fire. I also want to smell like a desert in the middle of a massive thunderstorm, so of course I bought this.
Bottle sniff: Something you drink. Lemonade, tea, and cucumbers. Not at all what I expected, but very pleasant.
Wet: Some kind of realistic cut flowers, where you can smell the smushed cut stems. There is something "awakening" about it.
Dry down: I can't really detect the notes or desert atmosphere described, but it's subtle and invigorating. It seems to want to meld with my skin as it dries down; not going away, but seeming like it belongs there. Not musky or sexy. Aha! It's an expensive spa. One that wants you to feel at ease spending hundreds of dollars being pampered and prepared to face the world again.
Mood: I'm at a spa in Las Vegas.
Verdict: Meh.
Enigma Notes: Delicately wild... a transparent veil morphing with pulsations of subtle musk, dry woods, faint ambergris
Bottle sniff: Nothing. I can't smell anything.
The faintest hint of a scent. The wrist where I placed it became more appealing than bare skin.
Second test: this is paper. Like taking a deep whiff of library, with no leather or anything, just the paper.
Mood: I'm getting on a plane or going to the theater (in an alternate universe where there isn't a plague happening) and want to smell pleasantly unremarkable.
Verdict: Really like it, not sure if obsessed enough for full size.
Falling Stars at Winter Solstice Notes: Balsam needles, dark musk, sweet myrrh, incense resins, melted snow, and cabin woodstove smoke
Wet: That blue stuff in Bucks portable outhouses.
Dry down: That blue stuff in Bucks portable outhouses.This fades quickly, leaving a vaguely sweet, artificial note.
Mood: I hope nobody knocks this thing over.
Verdict: Nope. Nope. Nope.
Farkas Notes: Warm Musk and Dark Leather
Wet: Leathery ozone. Smells like being in a mall store full of leather jackets.
Dry down: Develops a hint of the saddle leather supply store aroma that I'm after, as opposed to just mall store. Not half bad; best leather note yet but still more suede than saddle leather. Unfortunately, it fades to a musk that chases my nose away.
Mood: I'm pretending to be someone who goes to BDSM clubs, but mainly I'm a vanilla horse girl trying to play tough in a leather jacket.
Verdict: I have no need to smell like this.
Hex Notes: Frangipani and night-blooming Moroccan flowers, all-spice, black tea, Madagascar vanilla, Tonka, sweet benzoin resin, black amber, frankincense, vetiver, and a caress of patchouli
Wet: Neutrogena's Rainbath Refreshing shower gel.
Dry down: Same. I'm not mad about it, I love how that stuff smells. After a bit, it starts creeping towards "Blue outhouse liquid". It evens out to something sharp and musky, like Ivory bar soap.
Mood: Shower!!!!
Verdict: If I were really nostalgic about showers, I'd be all over this. I love how it smells initially, but smelling like bar soap isn't my thing.
Mesnée d'Hellequin Notes: Cypress, Cedar, Teakwood, Vetiver, Galbanum, Balsam Pine, Lichen, Moss, Labdanum, Dried Leaves, Damp Earth, and Forest Fungi
Bought this to indulge my same love of evergreen, forest, balsam scents that drove me to Ydalir.
Bottle sniff: Florist's shop. Realistic green fresh florist's shop. Not at all what I expected, but I like it!
Wet: Florist's shop, with a little jasmine coming out to play. Green, fresh, humid. Lots of cut greenery and flowers.
Dry down: As it dries down, it looses some of the fresh greenness and becomes something more akin to a floral perfume. Probably an expensive one, and modern. Not really what I'm looking for, though.
Mood: You should definitely approve my mortgage, I'm good for it.
Verdict: Meh.
ABOUT MY TASTE IN SCENTS, FOR CONTEXT
I am wildly picky and loathe perfume. I'm a woman but don't care about smelling masculine vs. feminine. My favorite house so far with the highest "hit rate" is Solstice Scents. For Strange Women has recently jumped into my collection and impressed me highly. I gravitate to highly realistic, natural scents.
I know the basics of top, heart, and base notes and know what a lot of essential oils smell like, but I wouldn't consider myself to have a sophisticated nose. If indie perfumes were art, I'd be the one everyone hates going, "I like what I like, regardless of artistic merit."
I adore anything that is realistic evergreen; balsamic, fresh cut wood, fir sap, crushed pine needles, etc (Solstice Scents Sawmill, FSW Black Forest). I also love realistic woodsmoke (Alkemia Ydalir).
Ambers that lean towards tree resins and incense are awesome. The dry, cold, powdery thing that sometimes gets called amber isn't for me.
I like realistic vanilla bean vanilla (Solstice Scents Mountain Vanilla for the win!), and her Manor vanilla is nice too. I'm leery of creamy artificial or ice cream vanillas.
I tend to like sandalwood as part of a base as long as it's not overpowering, and ideally blended with something else. I adore coumarin, or at least Solstice Scents' rendition of it.
I love the actual IRL smell of lavender, roses, carnations, paperwhites, lilies and lilacs. I don't like "florals" where a bunch of flower scents get mixed together to create perfumey notes and punch you in the nose with it.
Incense isn't a dealbreaker for me, but it needs to be more churchy/witchy/Native American than head shop/hippie. Patchouli is evil.
Gourmands are totally not my thing; I love the smell of food but do not want to smell like food.
I like nice-smelling hair goop or lotion or body wash or whatever, but I'm finding I don't like fragrances that remind me of them. I tried a fragrance that smells exactly like Nutrogena Rainbath and expected to love it, but in reality I think I like it when those scents are quick morning bursts.
I haven't fully pinned down what musk smells like, but I've gathered it's often that laundry soap/bar soap base note. I'd say I hate them, but one of my all-time favorites, Solstice Scents Wolf Spirit, has a musk that's not at all soapy, so I'm going with "I don't like most musks."
My top scents so far are: Sweet Anthem Elliot, Solstice Scents Sawmill, Wolf Spirit, Night Watcher, Amber Couer, Manor, and Mountain Vanilla, Alkemia Ydalir, and For Strange Women French Oakmoss and Black Forest.
I have to not only think something smells nice, I have to want to walk around smelling like it. I love how fresh bread smells. I don't want to personally smell like a loaf of bread. And that, as you might imagine, is a very individual thing. I want to smell like a Douglas fir tree, but not a loaf of bread. So it's entirely possible for me to think a scent is really nice, but not want to actually smell like that myself. This means fragrances have a really high, arbitrary bar to clear for me, and there are many that smell quite good that I will pass on. Don't take a "I don't want to smell like this" too seriously from me.
I have a sort of bottom line test as well: regardless of what it smells like, once it dries down, do I want to press my nose up to my skin and inhale deeply, or does it sort of chase my nose away? A lot of scents chase my nose away.
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2020.07.24 19:59 24Julsquare Se-x of School Gi-rl

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https://preview.redd.it/0ew3mnwpguc51.jpg?width=259&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6a4a566e06ac41db608e49097dae9346d5a59d1
submitted by 24Julsquare to u/24Julsquare [link] [comments]


2020.07.20 18:09 20Julgewgaw F-ree Adu-lt Male Por-n

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https://preview.redd.it/qfdkhgvgd1c51.jpg?width=194&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=53cfe9d98b947377c5054dc17cf64ff1239284e7
submitted by 20Julgewgaw to Dino_Blue [link] [comments]


2020.07.15 22:09 fruitsnacky [WTS][US] A bunch of albums for sale! Signed &Unsigned : Twice, SNSD, Dal Shabet, T-ara, BTS, Wonder Girls, Nine Muses, Apink, Exo, Miss A, Laboum, KARA, & more

Reposting because I still have some stuff left. I re used the photos so if it isn't listed down below it's not available. I'm getting rid of a ton of my album collection! Prices are all in USD. I can only ship in the US (If you really want something we can work something out) . Shipping is 5$. All the signed albums are from Mnet, so I can provide proof if necessary. If you need any up close pics just let me know. Message me if you're interested in anything! https://imgur.com/a/exuUoUg
submitted by fruitsnacky to kpopforsale [link] [comments]


2020.07.09 18:11 fruitsnacky [WTS][US] A ton of albums for sale! Signed & Unsigned - Twice, GOT7, SNSD, IOI, T-ara, Wonder Girls, Nine Muses, Apink, EXO, April and many more!

I'm getting rid of a ton of my album collection! Prices are all in USD. I can only ship in the US (If you really want something we can work something out) . Shipping is 5$. All the signed albums are from Mnet, so I can provide proof if necessary. If you need any up close pics just let me know. Message me if you're interested in anything! https://imgur.com/a/exuUoUg
submitted by fruitsnacky to kpopforsale [link] [comments]


2020.07.07 16:31 MyRemixPool DJ Jeff Remix Pack (June 2020)

6Ix9Ine – Trollz (Dj Jeff Mixshow Re-Drum)[Clean] 12A 90 04:00 9.16MB A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie – Look Back At It (Dj Jeff Moombahton Hype Reboot)[Dirty] 2A 105 03:07 7.16MB Angelo Ferreri – Dance With Me (Dj Jeff Hype Edit)[Clean] 12A 123 05:35 12.82MB B.o.b – Nothin On You (Dj Jeff Get You Home Mashup)[Clean] 7A 126 04:09 9.51MB Bee Gees – How Deep Is Your Love (Dj Jeff 70’s Rock Re-Drum)[Clean] 12B 108 04:26 10.17MB Billy Idol – Hot In The City (Dj Jeff 80’s Rock Re-Drum Ver 2)[Clean] 8B 112 03:55 9.00MB Black Eyed Peas Vs El Capon Vs Baur – Mamacita (Dj Jeff House Mashup Reboot)[Clean] 7A 122 03:16 7.52MB Bon Jovi – Livin On A Prayer 2020 (Dj Jeff House Quick Re-Drum)[Clean] 9A 123 03:25 7.87MB Britney Spears – Baby One More Time (Dj Jeff Moombah Reboot)[Clean] 5A 100 03:19 7.61MB Buju Banton – Champion (Dj Jeff Moombah Mashup)[Clean] 5A 99 03:43 8.53MB Chaka Khan – We Will Rock You (Dj Jeff 70’s Rock Hype Re-Drum) 9A 96 03:40 8.40MB Chic – Le Freak (Dj Jeff Lil Jon Hype Reboot)[Clean] 8A 124 05:23 12.34MB City Girls – Jobs (Dj Jeff Hype Edit)[Clean] 4A 80 02:47 6.40MB City Girls – Jobs (Dj Jeff Intro Outro Edit)[Clean] 4A 80 02:47 6.40MB City Girls – Jobs (Dj Jeff Intro Outro Edit)[Dirty] 4A 80 02:47 6.40MB City Girls – That’s My B#tch (Dj Jeff Re-Drum)[Clean] 5A 104 02:23 5.47MB Corona Vs Firebeatz & Plastik Funk – Rhythm Of The Night (Dj Jeff High Enough Mashup)[Clean] 6A 124 04:00 9.16MB Crazy Town – Butterfly 2020 (Dj Jeff Bounce Hype Edit)[Clean] 8A 104 04:18 9.87MB Daddy Yankee’ Play-N-Skillz’ Zion & Lennoxvs Miky – Besame (Dj Jeff Moombah Mixshow Edit)[Clean] 7B 99 04:44 10.88MB Dire Straits – A Walk Of Life (Dj Jeff 80’s Rock Re-Drum Ver 2)[Clean] 12B 86 04:05 9.37MB Dj Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Boom! Shake The Room (Introoutro)[Clean] 2A 100 04:00 9.16MB Dj Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Summertime (Dj Jazzy Jeff’s Mix)[Clean] 6A 95 05:39 12.94MB Dj Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Summertime (Extended Bass Mix)[Clean] 6A 95 05:35 12.82MB Dj Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Summertime (Lp Version)[Clean] 5A 95 04:35 10.50MB Dj Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Summertime (Soulpower Hip Hop Mix)[Clean] 5A 95 04:43 10.82MB Dj Jeff – Drop It Down Low (Mixshow Hype Edit) 4A 128 03:18 7.60MB Dj Jeff X Lil Nas Vs. Chris Brown – Old Town Wobble Road [Mashup Hype Redrum] [Clean] 0 02:31 5.81MB Dj Snake – Taki Taki To Bach Ke (Dj Jeff Tribal Quick Bootleg)[Clean] 12A 103 02:24 5.54MB Dmx – Party Up (Dj Jeff House Vocal Edit)[Clean] 1A 124 03:42 8.50MB Dmx Vs Dr. Dre – Party Up (Dj Jeff Episode Mash-Up)[Dirty] 2A 95 05:13 11.96MB Don Omar – Danza Kuduro (Dj Jeff Crashing Down Mashup)[Clean] 8A 125 04:13 9.67MB Don Omar – Danza Kuduro (Dj Jeff Moombah Reboot)[Clean] 8A 108 04:24 10.09MB Dua Lipa – Break My Heart (Dj Jeff House Sax Reboot)[Clean] 9A 124 03:23 7.76MB Fat Joe – Get It Poppin (Dj Jeff Scratch Hype Edit)[Clean] 5A 101 03:48 8.73MB Five & Queen – We Will Rock You (Dj Jeff Blend Edit)[Clean] 9A 90 03:36 8.26MB Galantis Vs Alice Deejay Vs Eddie G – Runaway Alone (Dj Jeff House Mashup Bootleg)[Clean] 1A 126 03:37 8.30MB Haddaway – What Is Love (Dj Jeff Hype Re-Drum)[Clean] 7A 124 04:15 9.75MB Hot Chocolate – You Sexy Thing (Dj Jeff 70’s Hotstepper Re-Drum)[Clean] 7B 106 04:31 10.38MB Iyaz – Replay (Dj Jeff Moombah Hype Reboot) 11A/11B 102 03:45 8.63MB Jason Derulo Vs Quntino – Dont Wanna Get You Home (Dj Jeff Future House Mashup)[Clean] 7A 126 04:09 9.51MB Jason Derulo Vs Tujamo – Savage Love (Dj Jeff Candy On The Dancefloor Edit)[Clean] 6A 126 04:36 10.54MB Jay-Z – Empire State Of Mind (Dj Jeff Moombah Reboot)[Dirty] 2B 100 03:50 8.79MB Jibbs – Chain Hang Low (Dj Jeff Re-Drum)[Clean] 11A 158 04:27 10.20MB Kanye West – Stronger (Dj Jeff Moombah Bootleg Reboot)[Clean] 2A 108 03:55 9.00MB Kaoma – Lambada 2020 (Dj Jeff 80’s Moombah Re-Drum)[Clean] 7A 110 04:19 9.91MB Katy Perry Vs Sigala – Daisies (Dj Jeff Came Here For Love Mashup)[Clean] 2B 125 03:29 8.01MB Kesha Vs Moska – Tik Tok 2020 (Dj Jeff Loca Mashup)[Clean] 7A 124 03:59 9.15MB Kevin Lyttle – Turn Me On (Dj Jeff Moombahton Hype Re-Drum)[Clean] 12A 106 04:04 9.33MB King Africa – La Bomba (Dj Jeff Moombah Re-Drum)[Clean] 2B 102 03:45 8.59MB Kshmr & Sak Noel – Bruk It Down (Dj Jeff Extended Hype Edit)[Clean] 11A 108 03:11 7.30MB Kylie Minogue – Can’t Get You Out Of My Head (Dj Jeff Re-Drum)[Clean] 7A 126 04:11 9.60MB Kylie Minogue Vs Firebeatz – Can’t Get You Out Of My Head (Dj Jeff Bad Habit Mashup)[Clean] 7A 125 04:03 9.31MB Liam Payne – Strip That Down (Dj Jeff Twerk Hype Reboot)[Clean] 2B 106 04:18 9.85MB Madonna – 4 Minutes (Dj Jeff House Mixshow Edit)[Clean] 6A 126 03:54 8.94MB Madonna Vs Dark Intensity Vs Quintino – Hung Up (Dj Jeff Get You Home Edit)[Clean] 7A 126 05:32 12.70MB Madonna Vs Quintino – Hung Up (Dj Jeff Get You Home Mashup)[Clean] 7A 126 04:11 9.60MB Martin Garrix Ft. Bonn Vs Kastra & Alex Byrne – High On Life (Dj Jeff Circles Edit)[Clean] 11B 125 04:13 9.69MB Miley Cyrus Vs David Puentez – Party In The Usa (Dj Jeff The Weekend Mashup)[Clean] 2B 126 02:57 6.79MB Mr. Vegas – Heads High (Dj Jeff Moombah Reboot)[Clean] 5A 99 04:07 9.44MB Ne-Yo – Sexy Love (Dj Jeff 2K Re-Drum)[Clean] 5B 94 04:05 9.36MB Ne-Yo – So Sick (Dj Jeff Hype Re-Drum) 2B 100 04:19 9.89MB Nicki Minaj – Super Bass (Dj Jeff House Mixshow Edit)[Dirty] 1A 125 03:12 7.35MB Nicki Minaj Vs Felix Jaehn – Super Bass (Dj Jeff Hot2Touch Edit)[Clean] 1A 122 03:01 6.92MB Redfoo Vs Knife Party – Let’s Get Ridiculous 2020 (Dj Jeff Festival Lrad Edit)[Clean] 4A 128 04:30 10.31MB Saweetie – Tap In (Dj Jeff Hype Scratch Edit)[Clean] 5A 100 03:02 6.97MB Scott Storch – Fuego Del Calor (Dj Jeff Moombah Re-Drum)[Dirty] 12A 100 03:04 7.06MB Semisonic – Closing Time (Dj Jeff 90’s Re-Drum Ver 2)[Clean] 8A 96 03:45 8.59MB Shaggy – It Wasnt Me (Dj Jeff Hype Re-Drum)[Clean] 8B 95 04:25 10.12MB Sheryl Crow – All I Wanna Do (Dj Jeff 90’s Rock Re-Drum)[Clean] 0 05:00 11.46MB Stars On 45 – Stars On 45 (Dj Jeff House Reboot)[Clean] 8A 124 03:38 8.34MB Starship – We Built This City (Dj Jeff 80’s Hype Edit) 7B 144 04:46 10.95MB Steve Aoki – I Love My Friends (Dj Jeff Samir’s Theme Edit)[Clean] 12B 126 05:08 11.78MB Technotronic – Pump Up The Jam (Dj Jeff Afro Hype Edit)[Clean] 5A 128 04:00 9.19MB The Alan Parsons Project – Eye In The Sky (Dj Jeff 80’s Rock Re-Drum)[Clean] 10B 112 05:04 11.61MB The Backstreet Boys – Larger Than Life (Dj Jeff 90’s Hype Scratch Re-Drum)[Clean] 5A 108 04:17 9.85MB The Outfield – Say It Isn’t So (Dj Jeff 80’s Rock Hype Re-Drum)[Clean] 12B 124 04:01 9.23MB The Outfield – Talk To Me (Dj Jeff 80’s Rock Re-Drum Ver 2)[Clean] 2B 123 03:55 9.01MB The Roots Ft Dj Jazzy Jeff & Jazzyfatnastees – The Next Movement (Clean) 5A 95 04:10 9.80MB The Roots Ft Dj Jazzy Jeff & Jazzyfatnastees – The Next Movement (Dirty) 5A 119 04:10 9.80MB The Roots Ft Dj Jazzy Jeff & Jazzyfatnastees – The Next Movement (Instrumental) 5A 95 05:09 11.83MB The Roots Ft Dj Jazzy Jeff & Jazzyfatnastees – The Next Movement (Intro Clean) 5A 95 04:22 10.28MB The Roots Ft Dj Jazzy Jeff & Jazzyfatnastees – The Next Movement (Intro Dirty) 5A 95 04:22 10.28MB The Roots Ft Dj Jazzy Jeff & Jazzyfatnastees – The Next Movement (Quick Hit Clean) 5A 119 02:21 5.64MB The Roots Ft Dj Jazzy Jeff & Jazzyfatnastees – The Next Movement (Quick Hit Dirty) 5A 95 02:21 5.64MB Tiesto & Don Diablo – Chemicals (Dj Jeff Big Horn Mixshow Edit)[Clean] 3B 126 04:41 10.77MB Timmy Trumpet – Freaks (Dj Jeff House Mixshow Edit)[Clean] 9A 128 04:04 9.34MB Tones And I – Ur So Cool (Dj Jeff Mixshow Re-Drum)[Clean] 10A 158 03:38 8.36MB Tones And I Vs Fubu & Tobtok – Ur So Cool (Dj Jeff Freak Like Me Mashup)[Clean] 10A 126 04:35 10.52MB Tony Touch – Play That Song (Dj Jeff Reggaeton Hype Edit)[Dirty] 8A 95 03:55 8.97MB Travie Mccoy – Billionaire (Dj Jeff Moombah Scratch Reboot)[Clean] 12A/11A 98 03:21 7.70MB Usher Vs Jewelz & Sparks – Dj Got Us Falling In Love 2020 (Dj Jeff Django Edit)[Clean] 6A 128 03:39 8.39MB V.a. – 22 Mins. Moombah Megamix Vol. 4 (Dj Jeff 22 Mins. Moombah Megamix Vol. 4 (100-109))[Dirty] 0 22:27 51.40MB V.a. – 25 Mins. Future House Mashup Megamix Vol. 3 (Dj Jeff 25 Mins. Future House Mashup Megamix Vol. 3 (124 – 128))[Clean] 0 25:24 58.17MB V.a. – 29 Mins. Future House Mashup Megamix Vol. 4 (Dj Jeff 29 Mins. Future House Mashup Megamix Vol. 4 (122 – 126))[Clean] 0 29:00 66.39MB Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby (Dj Jeff 80’s Hype Re-Drum)[Clean] 7A 116 04:49 11.06MB Wisin & Yandel – Rakata (Dj Jeff Reggaeton Hype Edit)[Clean] 1A 96 03:32 8.12MB Yolanda Be Cool & Dcup – We No Speak Americano 2020 (Dj Jeff House Mixshow Reboot)[Clean] 3A 125 02:53 6.64MB
Download Now!
submitted by MyRemixPool to u/MyRemixPool [link] [comments]


2020.06.29 16:10 efa___ I Read It So You Don't Have To: Leggy Blonde (by Aviva Drescher)

While I would never have imagined myself characterizing Aviva Drescher as 'a breath of fresh air,' I cannot overstate how much I am looking forward to reading her book after my last deep-dive (Alex and Simon's Little Kids, Big City). Aviva may be many things, but I am wholly confident that proudly-married-to-a-man-who-ejaculated-during-childbirth is not one of them.
Even the cover of the book sets my mind at ease -- a sun-kissed Aviva sits cross-legged in a bucolic field, smiling coyly at the camera as if to say, "Come, take a seat! Would you like to hear about my many phobias?" On the back cover, Aviva channels a young Janice Dickinson as she poses in light-wash bootcut jeans and a black button-down, her sleeves scrunched up in a particularly arm-circulation-impeding way and her thumbs hooked awkwardly into her front belt loops as if she were a cowboy adopting an especially exasperated stance.
As I open to the inside cover, however, I am met with a momentary jolt of panic that I must have, inexplicably, purchased the wrong book. According to the blurb, I am -- contrary to my expectations -- holding a memoir written by "one of the boldest cast members of Bravo's The Real Housewives of New York City" and "most talked-about stars of reality TV." I am utterly at a loss as to who this could be referencing until I read on and hear the ghostwriter* gush about "Aviva's trademark wit, wisdom, and no-nonsense candor," after which it immediately becomes clear to me that this book was written by an alien whose only exposure to the vast spectrum of human emotions came from reading Chicken Soup for the Soul books.
*and yes, this one is absolutely written by a ghostwriter; we'll get back to that later.
Far be it from me to scoff at a good pun, but the four paragraphs of summary text on the book's inside cover contain no less than three distinct leg-related puns (a pun-to-paragraph ratio of 0.75, for those of you keeping score at home). We're told that Leggy Blonde (Strike 1) is "a story that stands all on its own" (Strike 2), and Aviva is described as a "native New Yorker [who] stands on her own two feet" (Strike 3). I hope we didn’t start off this leg of the journey on the wrong foot, but I'm not sure how much of this I can stand.
Despite (allegedly) receiving her JD from an actual accredited law school, Aviva is inexplicably compelled to include her high school (The Fieldston School, if that's something that matters to you) as a key detail within her short author bio. As a proud alumna of Julia Lee Moore Elementary School (Go Mustangs!!), I absolutely relate.
Before diving into the book in earnest, I have to get something off my chest. After smoking copious amounts of weed last night (again, if you read my last book review, you will know exactly what mental images made this necessary), I was suddenly struck by what I can only describe as a bolt of inspiration from The Beyond. When I woke up this morning, I immediately wrenched open my laptop and frantically tried to transliterate my fleeting vision into something our mortal minds might comprehend. This is the result.
Whew, okay. Now that all of the housekeeping is out of the way, let's dive in to the Preface.
There are two very important things to note about this book. One is that it was written by a ghostwriter. We know this because Aviva admitted to it, but also because it is incredibly, glaringly obvious from reading even the slightest bit of this book. I read one passage out loud to my boyfriend (because dramatic monologues from Real Housewives are truly the cornerstone of any lasting relationship), and his candid assessment was that this book "was definitely written by a recently graduated English major." As a slightly-less-recently graduated English major, I decline further comment. The second important thing to know as we begin this book is that Aviva genuinely and absolutely believes with her entire heart that she has lived the most exciting life of any person to have ever lived in the entire universe. To illustrate both points, I've transcribed the full preface verbatim for your perusal:
"It's always good for the memoirist to tell a story about the time she almost died." These were the words of advice given to me by a friend when I voiced my trepidation about writing a book.
Good news! I had about five near-death experiences.
Another friend's suggestion: "I like to read memoirs that pull back the curtain on a marriage gone wrong, with all the sordid, destructive lies and details. You know, pain, sadness, heartbreak. Uplifting stuff."
Seduction and betrayal and divorce? I had that covered, too.
A male friend said, "Kinky sex. Something weird. Off the beaten path."
"You mean like, say, amputee sex?" I asked.
"Exactly!"
Um, yeah. Check.
"I'm a junkie for addiction memoirs," said another friend. "Got any substance abuse sagas you can throw in there?"
Unfortunately yes, I did.
"I'm a sucker for exotic travel stories, like when a normal girl is air-dropped into an upside-down world," said another pal. "I also love weepy hospital scenes, a mother bravely biting back tears next to a kid in an oxygen tent. Oh, and you can't go wrong with dramatic courtroom showdowns, especially if they have a twist ending."
I had plenty of all of those stories, actually.
Looking back at my life with newfound objectivity, I realized that it had been a long, unbroken string of wild, one-in-a-million accidents, incidents, and adventures. I hadn't gone looking for any of them, but trouble gravitated toward me. I'd had my share of remarkable good fortune, too. If a person was the sum total of her life experiences, then I was a hell of a lot more than just another leggy blonde.
After learning Aviva has conveniently had every experience ever written about in a book ever, I am very much looking forward to the part in this memoir where she lives in a cupboard under the stairs until the day she finally receives her letter from Hogwarts. Also, I'd love to circle back to the male friend who loves kinky sex memoirs if we have a chance.
Moving right along into Chapter 1, we follow Aviva back to her childhood. In what should come as a shock to absolutely no one, we learn that her parents met when her father, George, was sleeping with one of her mother's model roommates. While also being married with three children. Don't worry, though! It was "love at first sight." And also one of these children (Aviva's half-siblings) is "an on-again-off-again drug addict." To answer your question, no, that detail is not accompanied by any more subtlety or additional context in the actual text.
The remainder of the chapter chronicles the accident in which Aviva lost her leg, as well as the hospitalizations and treatments that followed. And as enjoyable as it sounds to make fun of a small child's medical trauma, I think we'll mostly skip through this part. But, given that Aviva goes out of her way to mention several of the Very Cool and Very Interesting people in her wide circle of acquaintance, it feels like it would be rude of me to move on without at least mentioning Aviva's dear friend Sarah, one of "the cool hippies who created, Hotsox, those rainbow toesies tube socks" and also how Michael Douglas was once one of her neighbors in one of "the most prestigious buildings on the Upper West Side."
This same childhood apartment is later described by Aviva as having "an entire hallway of refrigerators, five of them, with glass doors." Why on earth would this be necessary, you might ask? "Well, we were a family of four with a household staff of three." Again, for those of you keeping score at home, this works out to 0.714 refrigerators per occupant.
The next few chapters chronicle the remainder of Aviva's childhood and teenage years, including this bizarre and tone-deaf anecdote about a trip to a shoe store:
My mother and I used to pick out some shoes, and then the salesperson would kneel down and attempt to put the shoes on me…For a shoe salesperson, the experience must have been freaky. Probably like a guy taking home a woman he meets in a nightclub only to be surprised by a penis in her panties.
Aviva also reassures us that "physical imperfections shouldn't stop anyone from feeling pretty. Ever." Which, let's be real, is thing that only an extremely pretty person would ever say. She goes on to attend Vassar College, and absolutely hates it because she is a huge loser who hates fun:
Instead, Vassar college might as well have been Woodstock. Barefoot hippies tripped around campus with dreads, tie-dye pajama bottoms, and Baja pullovers. Parties centered around pot and "funnels," a plastic funnel duct-taped onto a long plastic tube. The funneler put the tube end in her mouth and knelt on the floor, while her friends poured beer into the funnel. You didn't have to be a physics major to understand the effect of gravity on chugging. Beer careened through the teeth, over the tongue, look out stomach, here it comes. I didn’t funnel, but it was entertaining to watch my friends do it. They sure got wasted, which was their goal. Inhaling a carbonated beverage at top speed wasn't my thing. It seemed reckless and kind of stupid. I wasn't into drunken girl-on-girl hookups either. And there was no amount of beer on earth that could make Birkenstocks attractive.
Where were the blazers, lattes, and horses?
I am momentarily caught up in picturing a person who, upon picking up this book, had never before heard of a beer bong, and is learning about the idea for the very first time from Aviva's description. Also by the statement, "I didn't funnel," which I can perfectly picture Aviva saying in a particularly self-righteous timbre. Most importantly, as the current world-record holder for fastest-carbonated-beverage-inhaled, it's frustrating to see my accomplishments so blatantly devalued. At least the last sentence of the passage confirms something that I have always known, deep down, to be true, which is that Aviva is a Horse Girl.
Despite her latent Horse Girl tendencies, Aviva does manage to find a group of cool-enough, sophisticated-enough Manhattan transplants to befriend. As luck would have it, one of these turns out to be the son of Diane von Furstenberg, and the icon of course gushes on and on to Aviva about how beautiful she is when the two meet. Aviva then moves to Paris, where her status as "a relatively attractive young American" earns her an easy position in a fairly desirable social circle. Everyone mistakes her for Claudia Schiffer and people are constantly asking her what agency she models for, which Aviva tries very (read: not at all) hard to portray as super annoying. She sees Sylvester Stallone in a club one night, and he tells her she "can really dance." I am picturing Camille Grammer dancing in Las Vegas, but with Aviva's face, and I really hope I'm not too far off base.
Throughout this section, Aviva struggles from not really being able to commit to how she wants to portray herself. In one sentence, she describes herself as "addicted to the nightlife," but also makes it abundantly clear that she did not partake in either alcohol or "the vials of cocaine that were constantly waved under my nose at the clubs." In the following passage, we start on one of Aviva's attempts to impress upon the reader how edgy and glamourous her life has become, then take an almost immediate U-turn where she decides she's actually super boring and essentially a spinster after all. To what end, I have no idea.
We were a fast group, and really lived it up. We studied during the day, and indulged in restaurants and clubs at night. Nothing seedy or dangerous. We were actually pretty staid. We called ourselves the Golden Girls because we acted like old ladies.
Lest we forget that she is Very Fashionable(TM) and Not Like Other Girls(TM), Aviva tells us that she "started collecting Birkin bags [in Paris] before they were popular in America." We also get a list of Aviva's phobias, which includes such assorted inanities as "terrorists," "aluminum foil," and "some spiders (big ones are fine)."
Aviva recounts the story of her engagement to a man named Jonathan, which is broken off after she fails to heed his mother's advice and sleeps with the aforementioned fiancé before the wedding. And that's the moral of the story. Or, as Aviva sagely quips, "I'd given away the milk. And our relationship soured." I felt bad for her for approximately as long as it took me to read the descriptions of her prospective bridesmaids' dresses, after which I feel like the breakup was perhaps for the best.
Each bridesmaid dress was going to be a bright, solid color spaghetti-strap tank with a giant tulle skirt in the same bright color. So one bridesmaid was going to have bright yellow, another fuchsia, and so on.
We are treated to yet another breezy name-drop -- "a young designer and friend named Tory Burch (yes, the very same)" -- before Aviva moves right along into her next relationship, in which she "finally fulfilled my lifelong doctor fetish." I really hope that Aviva is using the word 'fetish' in the lighthearted, casual sense, and not in the way that I -- someone who has seen every episode of Strange Sex and also every documentary ever made about furries -- would use it.
The ghostwriter has a bit of fun exploring the magic of metaphors at the end of this chapter, where we learn that "having elective surgery and calling off the wedding were both drastic amputations," but that Aviva "hoped that the pruning of broken parts and relationship [sic] would clear the way for new things to grow." Which doesn’t seem like a particularly suitable analogy given that amputated legs, as a historical rule, don't grow back. But I digress.
In the next chapter, Aviva discovers Judaism, a connection she says "would fill a hole inside that I didn't know existed, until I felt it being filled up." It takes everything I have to control my inner fourteen-year-old boy at this moment. We learn the fun fact that you can find Jewish people anywhere -- "even Texas!" -- but of course, just meeting a regular Jewish boy would be far too pedestrian for our Poor Little Cool Girl, Aviva.
How many gentile girls went to Torah classes and wound up falling in love with a Persian man? What are the odds? About the same as getting your foot stuck in a barn cleaner.
Her new boyfriend, Ricky, was apparently "rooted in his family's ancient Persian culture," which makes me imagine him exactly like this. Aviva pops in to remind us of her phobic nature ("Oh, I forgot to put that on my list! I am afraid of chlorine, too!") before telling us more about the process of converting to Judaism. But lest you think that Aviva was just your regular, run-of-the-mill Jewish person after this, she clarifies, "I went into the mikvah a shiksa and came out a Jew, possibly the tallest and blondest in New York City." There is definitely something vaguely unsettling about Aviva making sure we know that she is the most Aryan Jewish person of them all, but I don't feel qualified to dive down that particular rabbit hole at the moment.
Chapter Eight -- entitled "Everything You Wanted to Know about Amputees (But Were Afraid to Ask)" -- is a question-and-answer style FAQ about life with a prosthetic leg. Why this chapter is sandwiched in between two chapters telling a continuous chronological narrative of Aviva's life is completely inexplicable to me. I'm not exaggerating: Chapter Seven ends with Aviva telling us she had "started to hate myself for wanting [Ricky] at all," and Chapter Nine starts with "Ricky and I broke up for the fifth time." And in between, we get 26 questions ranging from "What does the leg feel like?" ("soft rubber, to the touch") to "Have you been hit on by amputee fetishists?" ("Yes!"). She also tells us about how much she's been loving Soul Cycle, and includes a handy link to "www.soul-cycle.com."
Aviva describes herself as a "realist's realist," a characterization that I don't think I'm entirely comfortable endorsing. And we get yet another I'm-not-sure-if-this-is-supposed-to-be-a-missing-leg-joke-or-not: "I tell myself that if they walked a mile in my shoes, they wouldn't feel the same way." Aviva also tells us that she is "not rash prone," which I consider to be the single most surprising fact that she has shared with us so far, before relaying the following story:
My ten-year-old stepdaughter, Veronica, came into my bedroom last night and put my prosthesis between her knees and said, "I've got three legs!" (Okay, stop thinking dirty here, guys).
Her interjection makes me shockingly defensive. Aviva! I wasn't even thinking anything dirty! I promise! And I don't even know what the point of this story would be if it wasn't that your kid said something that sounded dirty! Why are you doing this to me? Furthermore, I am highly suspicious that this interaction occurred "last night." Pretty convenient timing, there, hmm Aviva?
The chapter ends with the question "Do you ever use your leg to get out of things you don't want to do." Aviva answers "No," and it becomes clear to me that I should take every claim made in the remainder of the book with a heaping pinch of salt.
Returning to our chronicle of Aviva's madcap life, we meet our first RHONY connection, the indominable Harry Dubin. But how, you may ask, did Aviva manage to meet such a dashing, eligible bachelor? "I can't explain how or why I always hooked up with guys from wealthy families. Maybe because I come from one. Like attracted like." Must be nice.
I was in the middle of writing a paragraph about how Aviva had finally managed to do something fairly endearing by turning down Harry's invitation to George W. Bush's inaugural ball -- "for the inauguration of a president-elect I didn’t support?...I said, 'Thanks, but no thanks.'" Unfortunately, no sooner had I prepared to channel my inner Natalie Maines than I read more closely.
The next time I heard from Harry, he invited me to the presidential inauguration and inaugural ball for George W. Bush in January 1997.
Granted, I was busy being three years old at the time, but I am fairly certain that George W. Bush was not the president in 1997. The only explanation I can possibly come up with is that Aviva and Harry Dubin are both deeply entrenched in some sort of Illuminati-tier secret society that preordained Bush for the presidency several years before it came to pass. Which, honestly, would explain a lot. If anyone would like to pass this hot tip along to Alex Jones, please, be my guest.
Aviva goes on to marry Harry Dubin, giving him all of her savings when he promises "it'll double or triple in no time." And exactly one paragraph later, the money is gone. "Not a penny left." Aviva refers to this incident without a hint of irony as "the first inkling I'd had that Harry might not have a passion for banking."
The couple moves into a "sexy little duplex," and Aviva gets pregnant with their first child. She tells Harry's mother that the conception was "a sloppy accident," which is probably the worst way I could ever imagine telling your mother-in-law that her son jizzed inside of you. Typical to form, Aviva doesn't just get regular old morning sickness, but "hyperemesis gravidarum, or severe morning sickness -- the same illness Princess Kate was hospitalized for during her pregnancy." This forces her to make the heartbreaking decision to step back from her "quite profitable" business, JAM Jewelry, which sells handmade Swarovski crystal bracelets and I presume to be some sort of knockoff Claire's competitor from the mid-90s.
After Harrison is born, Aviva comes to the ever-so-slightly-too-late realization that Harry Dubin's 'business career' has essentially been a sham, and almost all of his bills are actually paid by his mother and grandfather. Over the following months, the couple are asked to leave their apartment (as Harry's grandfather had, unbeknownst to Aviva, been paying for it the whole time) and the relationship continues to deteriorate. So, in a move I honestly hope that I would emulate in her position, Aviva files for divorce and gets a boob job. Of course, as Aviva is far too unique for standard, even-numbered bra sizes, she walks out of surgery with "29D breasts." Reflecting on the experience, she says:
In hindsight, I should have stayed in New York. The northern doctors made breasts smaller, more fashion friendly. Miami boobs were just too big.
Eleven years later, I regret that surgery. My prosthetic boobs are my cross to bear. They remind me of that horrible time, plus they don't even look good anymore. I breast-fed two children with them, and they've become huge and saggy. The term "rocks in socks" comes to mind.
Rock in socks on chicks on fox. Fox on clocks on rocks in socks. Dr. Seuss rhymes bounce around my head for the remainder of the chapter. More importantly, this stands in direct contradiction to Aviva's infamous "the only thing that is artificial or fake about me is this" claim. But I suppose "the only thing that is artificial or fake about me is this, and also my tits," just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Chapter Eleven opens on Aviva and Reid's meet-cute, an absurdly scripted encounter that I refuse to believe actually happened as she relays it:
Apropos of nothing in particular, the man said, "It's tough being a new single dad."
What? Single? I flung my hair back and said, "Oh, I'm single, too."
This honestly sounds like the opening dialogue of truly terrible porn. If I close my eyes, I can almost hear the dulcet tones of Cara Quici in the background.
Aviva wastes no time in telling us that Reid is first cousins with Fran Drescher, although he is "low key about it and unimpressed." She quickly goes on to say, "we shared a coolness regarding celebrities," which (if you have been even vaguely following along) you should be able to identify as complete bullshit.
Aviva briefly ends things with Reid due to "bad timing" and goes on a few dates with a man who is ultimately uncomfortable with her prosthetic leg. She reflects,
I don’t have contempt for him at all. We all lose attraction to people for superficial reasons. But given the situation, I think he should have faked it for another date to spare my feelings.
This vignette perfectly encapsulates Aviva's particularly infuriating brand of "I totally get it, but also it's different for me and those rules don't apply." I’m honestly surprised that she wasn't also mad at him for failing to surprise her with a "Welcome Aviva! You Made It To Our Date!" banner.
We get a brief aside about an impending hurricane that includes an unsurprising revelation about Aviva's father -- that he "didn't believe in mainstream medicine, the political system, or the Weather Channel." His suspicion falls primarily on the last of the three, which he describes as "corruption and bullshit" and decries for "making [the hurricane] up to sell advertising."
Aviva and Reid reconnect and begin a friendship that quickly grows to something more. However, in a refreshing change of pace from Alex and Simon's book, Aviva respectfully limits her descriptions of their physical passion to the following:
Reid rocked. (I would write more here but my children may Google this.)
Reid soon proposes with a "chunky, cool, and fun" yellow kunzite ring. Says Aviva:
[This] was a relief...I wasn't a fan of diamonds. They make other women really happy, and that is great for them.
I am getting strong vibes of someone who gets an unflattering haircut and then exerts a lot of effort trying to convince everyone that they really, really love it.
In Chapter Twelve ("My Angel"), Aviva's mother dies, and her father devolves into his current state of "satyriasis," which is just not a word any normal person should use to describe their father when the phrase "horny old man" works just as well. We also get this footnote that is simultaneously utterly bizarre and totally unsurprising:
I'm not fluent in five languages as I claimed on the set of The Real Housewives of New York City, unless you count "New York" and "Housewife" as languages (I could make a case for it). I speak only three: English, French, and Spanish. My German peaked at age one. I don't know why I made that outrageous claim on the show, but then I don't know why I say a lot of what I say on the show.
Well, that makes two of us, then!
Aviva displays a palpable sense of insecurity at the idea that Reid "sought out an over-thirty almost divorced mother" when he "could have gone the whole 'my girlfriend the model' route or just man-whored around for a couple of years" And, rather than just taking a Xanax and calming down, Aviva becomes immediately obsessed with having Reid's biological child -- "biological siblings would be the glue that stuck Harrison and Veronica [Aviva and Reid's children from prior relationships] together."
Before there's time for that, however, the couple first has to deal with a fair bit of drama regarding Reid's ex, a "tough cookie" named Jane. Fortunately, as Aviva wastes no time in letting us know, the passion of the situation "was a turn-on," which sounds like kind of thing someone who's really into shipping The Joker and Harley Quinn would say.
Aviva and Reid finally get married, and she gives birth to their son shortly after: "Hudson (formerly known as Brandon -- nutcase me, I changed his name when he was four months old)." Eight months later, she contracts Legionnaires' disease, which I am essentially an expert on by virtue of watching this particular episode of House). As we are well aware by this point, this is just the sort of thing that happens to kooky little Aviva.
You see why I'm a hypochondriac? Because if anyone is going to get a hotel disease in her own bathroom, it's me. Dr. Kruger was an absolutely brilliant diagnostician to think of testing me for Legionnaires'. He had no reason to do so; it's that rare. Well, I survived it.
We’re also treated to a delightful little housewives cameo, which I'm hoping is only an amuse bouche before the true entrée of Chapter Fifteen ("Housewives").
While not paying his child support, Harry dated LuAnn de Lesseps for a hot minute. It was LuAnn's single year, after her divorce from the Count but before she met her now-fiancé Jacques. I knew LuAnn. We had a mutual friend. I remember telling our friend that it wouldn't look good for LuAnn to date Harry on her TV show. His scenes with her didn't air, fortunately for LuAnn.
I'm on my third Housewives book at this point, and I truly never cease to be amazed by the sheer lack of competent editorial oversight. Just one example: "But still, t [sic] wasn't so easy to walk away." My absentminded fantasy about becoming a copy editor who caters exclusively to the reality-television-adjacent is seeming more and more like a legitimately lucrative business idea.
We round out this chapter with yet another shining example of Aviva taking the high road and being the bigger person (but then immediately and not-so-subtly making sure it's clear exactly how wounded she has personally been):
To me, that seems like holding on to the past. I think it would be healthier for Jane to let go of Reid. However, I could understand how it would be hard to get over him. I can understand her still hanging on. I am not sure how her husband feels about it though.
I can't help but imagine these lines being solemnly intoned by a middle-aged Southern woman sitting on a veranda and sipping a mint julep. Bless her heart. She's an absolute monster and I'd be shocked if her husband didn't have a mistress by this point, that poor dear.
The following chapter is only remarkable in its contrast to my previous write-up of Simon and Alex's parenting book. I feel like singing from the rooftops when Aviva boils down her parenting philosophy to "I do my best to raise them to be good people and the rest is up to them." I am almost brought to tears by my relief when her description of childbirth is limited to the remark "I found birthing to be a civilized process." And though I did roll my eyes just a little bit at the line "If we have a Super Bowl party, I will serve Doritos, even soda (Not Coke, though. That stuff puts me over the edge.)," I just can't bring myself to snark too harshly on anyone who spares me graphic descriptions of their newborn's bowel movements (Yes, Alex McCord, this means you).
Chapter Fifteen brings us the obligatory montage of Aviva's Housewives experience, most notable for a wildly-missing-the-mark apology for calling Sonja and Ramona "white trash" that I think might be my favorite passage from the entire book. Take a peek:
I get a vibe from some people that they think I believe that I'm in some way better than them, that I'm a snob. Maybe I am a bit of a snob. The thing is, it's not that I think I'm better than they are, it's just that I like my taste more than I like theirs. It's just human nature. I prefer my Kraft Macaroni and Cheese to your, say, Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese. I'm not judging your goddamn white-trash macaroni and cheese. I just like mine better. I don't think that makes me a snob. I try not to make a show of my taste. But I tend toward the classic styles in literature, music, dress, and art. Those of us who do will always be accused of snobbery.
This argument demonstrates a woefully inadequate understanding of the ways in which endemic cultural and institutional biases inescapably shape our perceptions of what we esteem to be good and valuable and worthwhile. And is also just plain irritating.
Aviva tells us that, even before she appeared on Housewives, she "did get a kick out of watching LuAnn de Lesseps." She further notes that "I had no idea anyone was a Count or Countess. I did not even know what that was until the show introduced LuAnn." Excuse me, Aviva? Count von Count would like a word with you.
Again, I am 0% surprised to hear that George "was way into it" when he learned his daughter will be appearing on RHONY. But I was a bit surprised to hear Aviva say that "it wasn't lost on me that Bethenny Frankel used Housewives as a springboard to an industry that includes books, DVDs, products, and her own TV show." In this moment, I am suddenly struck by the realization that Aviva may very well see herself as a Bethenny in her own mind. Astonishing. I cannot for the life of me imagine what an Aviva Drescher DVD would consist of, although I suppose this book has demonstrated that there are more than enough leg and foot related puns available for her to leverage as quirky product names. But as we well know, a Writer Girl she is not.
Reflecting on her first year on the show, Aviva notes, "My behavior drew viewers' attention away from my leg. I got no special sympathy for it. They loved or hated me based only on who they perceived me to be. They forgot about my leg entirely. Mission accomplished." What she doesn't note, however, is that this mission will be promptly un-accomplished for anyone who actually reads her book and has to be reminded that Aviva has a prosthetic leg on approximately every third page.
In Chapter Sixteen ("Lost and Found"), Aviva sends us off by summing up her life wisdom in quippy lines like, "Loss is a fact of life." At least to me, this is a clear homage to the advice Lindsay Lohan offers in her opus, I Know Who Killed Me -- "People get cut. That's life." The memoir ends with these decidedly uninspired lines which, if they were turned in to me in a passage from one of my writing tutees, would undoubtedly be underlined several times and paired with a note in the margins saying something like, vague clichés -- point??. It honestly seems like she came up with four alternate sign-off lines for the book, couldn't decide between them, and just decided to stick them all end-to-end and call it a day.
That's how I came to terms with just about everything. So that's my life so far. It's a work in progress. Stay tuned.
In the acknowledgements, Aviva gives a shout-out to "transcriber Lynn Monty" who "did fast and fabulous work typing my stories" a.k.a. was the one who actually wrote this book. "Faren Bachelis," as she continues, "did a wonderful job copy-editing." Which I suppose means that I learned at least one thing from reading this book, and that is that Aviva Drescher and I have vastly different definitions of the word "wonderful."
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